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Archive for the ‘douchebag’ Category

I was being nice with the title of this blog post.

For this blog, I’ve more or less stayed away from politics, except for the webcomic Shitty Mickey and occasional mentions of Occupy Wall Street. That was way back when, however. In late 2016, it’s a whole other matter. What 2017 will bring is very unnerving.

Getting to the point, I’m not happy with the current president-elect. I think he’s unfit for office, and a very dangerous man. The last thing you need to read is yet another blog offering up political opinions. So I’ll let the below image speak for itself.

WARNING: NOT SAFE FOR WORK (NSFW)

trumpsucksballsillo

I was aiming for tacky, lewd and orange. Oh, and the hashtag I got from Instagram. So thanks Instagram.

Who knows what 2017 will bring. Perhaps the electoral college will change their votes, or he will get impeached. Pence, his VP is actually worse, but Pence is also a career politician – also less likely to press that red nuclear button. Following Pence is Paul Ryan. Basically we’re doomed.

Never have I been so grateful to live in a blue state in all my life.

In general, 2016 has been a wretched year. For me personally, it’s been kind. On an international level, not so much. What’s worse is for all the nonsense news we hear such as Kayne West meeting up with Trump, Aleppo was being bombed. Hell, I even surprised myself by shedding a tear for Mohammad Alaa Jaleel. He’s better known as “The cat man of Aleppo.” If you don’t know who he is, you should. A fellow cat lover who risked his life to help care of all the stray and abandoned cats in war torn East Aleppo. He has everything to lose and nothing to gain by taking care of these animals, but he has something that’s becoming increasingly rare today – compassion. If anyone deserves the Noble Peace Prize, it’s him.

Enough of my soap box. I’ve made greeting cards out of that repulsive image that resembles Cheetos man. I’m NOT going to be selling these cards at every future event. If I decide to, i’ll be very selective as to where. Regardless, these will be available on demand. If you want this card, you can send $3.00 to PayPal. Some of the proceeds from this card will be donated to charity. Just haven’t decided which one as of yet. Maybe it’ll be a feminist organization, an LGBT group, or for Standing Rock, or towards the Cat Man of Aleppo. As long as it’s a reputable charity. We’ll see how many are actually sold. Regardless. Buy a card for someone you loathe.

trumpsucksballsgreetingcard

#trumpsucksballs greeting card. Dec. 2016.

For the past month, I’ve been passing this wall inside the Union Square subway station in NYC. Here’s some of the photos I’ve taken. I also added to this Post-It wall. Some of the Post-It notes are now being archived.

You can kinda tell which ones I did. And yeah…I did the testicles one too.

  2016 has been an overwhelming year. It’s enough to make anyone misanthropic. So before I go, I’ll leave you with this meme. Cause if you’re going to be misanthropic, make sure it’s everyone equally.

catmeme

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Came across this article today. It was published last year, granted. You can read it here.

Seth McFarlane was apparently being sued on the premises that he stole the idea for his 2012 film ‘Ted’ from two animators who had a similar character on a web series.

Back in late 2008, a so-called “friend” told me she met Seth MacFarlane’s manager online, and that his manager was very interested in my Psycho Bunny comic. Now there was something strange about this whole set-up from the get go…but she kept on insisting that this “manager” was interested in my comic, and was going to turn it into a television show. Okay. She wouldn’t let me speak to him, and was very vague about his name. She kept on insisting on giving her a PDF copy of my comic so she could pass on to him. Finally I persisted.She gave me some generic name…my gut instincts started to kick in.


Long story short. I slowly began to cut off my contact with her.

Then “The Cleveland Show” premiered. The funny thing about that show was it had a bear character who wears no pants. I have a bear character in my comic who wears no pants. I thought about how my ex-friend, who kept on insisting she knew someone who worked with Seth MacFarlane and how she wanted to pass my comic onto him, etc., and how this person was sold on the idea. In reality, there was nothing I could do and hoped it was really just a coincidence.

“The Cleveland Show” has since been canceled. Prior to the cancellation, I stopped speaking to my ex-friend with all these industry “connections.” Once she realized I wasn’t going along with her plans, she quickly blocked me, and befriended my bitter foes. This was someone who she swore was my good pal. Wasn’t surprised to say the least. She may be a hard worker, but within the year of our friendship, she kept on dropping these little white lies here and there…along with other things.. basically it was time to end it. I’m not going to mention names. Not here. But I’m so quite sure that if she was confronted with this, she would completely bullshit her way out. It left me feeling like this: although she never did get a PDF file of my comic, and once I informed her that my comic was indeed copyrighted, she backed off. No, she didn’t get what she wanted from me. Still, I felt the knife in my back. Anyone who’s worked on a creative project and even suspects having their ideals ripped off and/or sabotaged in anyway by someone that you personally knew…basically you feel betrayed.

ANYWAY…so today I came across this article. Couldn’t help but notice the slight similarities. Coincidence?

Don’t get me wrong. At the end of the day, I’m still a fan of Seth MacFarlane, and Family Guy. But my experience with someone who claimed to have spoken to MacFarlane’s manager via internet and claims his manager was very interested in my idea…(shakes head)…it’s made me weary.

It’s only now that I feel I’m able to speak about this.

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So the other day I read this online article. It went like this; some married actor who knows all about the almighty power of Christ made unwanted advances to some model who knew the power of the almighty internet.

Oops.

I’m talking about the exchange between devout Christian actor Brian Presley, and model Melissa Stetten. Supposedly although Presley was married with child, he put the moves onto Stetten. A bad move indeed. She went on Twitter and posted the entire conversation. Her 13,000 Twitter followers read every word. Here’s the link to the article, in case you have no clue what I’m talking about: http://www.happyplace.com/16363/melissa-stetten-uses-twitter-to-humiliate-attempted-adulterer

Which I can’t help but wonder…aren’t you supposed to turn off your cellphone during inflight? And if she was able to get internet service while inflight, well then dude, what cellphone company is she using?

Anyway. First impulse after reading this article, you mutter to yourself “busted” and laugh. Perhaps you might post a link to the article you’ve read onto Facebook. Which is what I did. On the surface, as my friend puts it; “So ‘self-important douchebag’ meets a ‘big deal on the internet’ and a fight breaks out on the short bus.”

Yeah, pretty much.

Sigh…relationships. As the character Randal in the 1996 film ‘Clerks’ says: “I find it best to stay out of other people’s affairs.” It’s really no-one’s business speculating about other people’s relationships. Married, not married, separated, divorced, stable, ‘it’s complicated’, monogamous, open… who really cares? Is it really anyone’s business? Can we really pass judgment and speculate upon others? In reality, the answer is no.

Don’t get me wrong though. Do I have any sympathy for Presley, who fell off his Jesus juice wagon? Oh hell no. One of my pet peeves is hypocritical so-called religious folks. Like when Foetus once sang, “A Good Christian Is a Dead Christian.” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Dog4Rv0IhI ) If this story is indeed correct, well then the douche had it coming. The ‘self-important’ thespian was on center stage. Relationships are one thing, but using religion as a crutch, and then being an outright hypocrite is ten times worse in my opinion. And I don’t mean second coming. Unless he’s had his third, or fourth… oh! Bad joke drum roll please. Bah-da-dum!

All bad puns aside, you also have to consider this. Through this model’s Twitter account, we only know one side of the story. Hers. In reality, there are actually three sides. Her side, his side, and what really went down. In the day of digital gossip and hearsay, there’s a fine line between mocking someone and outright slander.

And let’s be real here. Not all women are victims. In reality, many women can be outright vicious and cruel. Melissa certainly isn’t a victim. Just like the majority of men can be assholes, the majority of women can be bitches. It’s the truth. (Is the author of this blog post, Michele, not a ‘people person?’ Why goodness gracious, you’ve noticed!) Also, one can’t help but wonder that if Melissa the model went a little too far with her tweets. Let’s say the model is the narcissistic bully here. She exaggerated this situation, and slandered for comedic effect, power, and media attention all for herself. Publicity at any cost. This is the same model who only a few months ago, claimed to have won some million dollar jackpot as a hoax, and then posted the prank online for all the world to see.

I knew women like this. Oh yeah, and men do this too. They love to slander, exaggerate, and collect blackmail. When the time is right, or when you’ve caught on to their crappy little game, they gather the evidence. As they collect all the dirt, they twist your words into something ugly, taking what you’ve said completely out of context. They’ll even sometimes outright lie, and then afterwards stab you in the back. When the knife is plunged, they’ll sprinkle a little touch of some spicy slander. In the game of life, this happens every day.

Yet on the internet everyone and their mother has an opinion. Just like everyone has a butthole. Mind you I’m being polite here. Some comments on one site briefly detailing this incident were actually defending not the possibility of this guy being slandered, but actually defending his borderline harassment. Ah, good old sexism prevails.

And ladies…we’ve all been there. At one time or another, no matter what we look like, we’ve all experienced unwanted advances at some point.

Back when I was younger, and cuter, and sometimes thinner, I had experienced situations such as these. Mind you, I was never as gorgeous as the Twittering model we speak of. So you can imagine that for every aggressive unwanted advance I had to endure, just multiply hers by a hundred.

Ironically I started re-reading this book titled “Thing of Beauty.” It’s about another model, Gia Carangi. Although Melissa Statten isn’t anything like former supermodel Gia, the book offers brief glimpses into the business of looking pretty for the camera. With that, here’s another way of looking at this situation. Melissa the model is in the business based on looks alone. She deals with constant scrutiny, sometimes rejection, and enduring upscale sexual objectification from shallow cretins. There’s a few exceptions, but as a general rule, a fashion model’s time in the limelight is limited. All that matters is your fuckablity, whether or not you show up on time for shoots, and if your look makes the chak-ching sound. Perhaps this encounter with Mr. Married Dramatis Personae was her breaking point.

You see, I believe that feminism and post-feminism doesn’t come from taking a whole bunch of ‘Women Studies’ classes in college, or attending pseudo-intellectual lectures. ‘Cause politically correct academia isn’t the real world. True post-feminism actions happen within everyday situations. Having to deal with continuing misogyny from both genders, that’s the real world. How about underpaid single moms worrying about putting food on the table. That’s the real world. Yeah, yeah, as of this posting it’s the year 2012, but as much as things changed, there’s still of lot that needs to be changed. Having to sit next to an overly aggressive, hypocritical dipsomaniac for a redeye flight – that’s the real world. And sometimes ignoramuses just don’t know when to quit it. So in the end, I’d like to shake Melissa’s hand, when she’s not busy tweeting.

Angry female texting. Art by Michele Witchipoo. Pen and watercolor, created June 7th, 2012.

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I almost wasn’t going to do this post. For starters, the word “douchebag” is being used more than ever. The more people use it as a put-down slang, the more silly it sounds. I admit it’s an immature way of describing people. Maybe because 2011 was a banner year for douchebaggery. Eh.

Where do I begin? Considering the past year had so many choices, all which nearly cemented my misanthropy even more. Almost.

For what I can see, 2012 already has a few candidates. Despite wishful thinking, it looks like 2012 just might continue where 2011 left off. We’ll see.

Anyway, back to some of the candidates for this ever-prestigious title. Who can forget Charlie Sheen? Who can forget his winning formula of tiger blood and goddesses? What cancels him out though was he supplied enough comic material to keep us running for the first half of 2011.Winning!

Jersey Shore. Could it be that they just might snag the honor for the second year in a row? Nah. Just let them burn themselves out, and eventually they’ll all wind up in your local AA meeting. Unless one of the cast members really needs the moolah. My bet is on Situation. Can’t you just see him on a program such as “Celebrity Rehab,” milking his 15 minutes for all its worth? Don’t even get me started on Snookie.

Then there’s these politicians vying for the GOP presidential nomination. Each and everyone of them truly deserve the title of “Douchebag of 2011.” Each and every one of them, but that would be too easy.

On the other side of the fence, Obama isn’t doing so hot himself, especially since he signed the NDAA act into law. Makes you wonder exactly whose side he’s on.

One strong frontrunner is Lt. John Pike, better simply known as “the pepper spraying cop.” The campus cop who causally pepper sprayed peaceful protesters in California. He’s kinda-sorta getting his already, since becoming a popular internet meme during the latter part of 2011.

In the end, the prize stays on the East Coast. The person with this dubious honor is none other than NYC Mayor Bloomberg.

Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg. The recipient of the Douchebag of  The Year award for 2011. Congratulations.

Bad enough Bloomberg had his mayoral term limits extended; so when he was part of the NY Occupy eviction, he looked like a hypocrite. It wasn’t just the Occupy incident though. He was consistent all throughout 2011. Starting with the snow blizzard in the beginning of January 2011. You would think as a businessman, he would know better than not to be more prepared for a NYC winter storm. Anyone who has grown up in New York City can tell you, sometimes its winters can be pretty harsh. Yet, Bloomberg was out of town during this snowstorm, and therefore was severely under-prepared for the Dec. 2010 – Jan. 2011 blizzard. The result of his oversight didn’t affect most of Manhattan as much, but when it came to the outer boroughs, he failed. Passengers traveling on public MTA transportation was stranded for hours, as local buses broke down. In some cases, right in front of some people’s houses. Neighborhoods in Brooklyn, Queens and other areas weren’t plowed – in some cases, one or two weeks later. Bloomberg successfully managed to do what many others couldn’t….had NYC temporary shut down.

Bloomberg tried to make up for his winter fiasco by over hyping Hurricane Irene. Okay, I’m not saying Irene wasn’t dangerous, but it barely passed through NYC. Instead it had more of an impact in the more suburban and rural areas such as Long Island, Upstate New York, Massachusetts. Hey, at least the local supermarkets made a profit.

During the Irene press conferences, Bloomberg tried to not only warn city residents in English, but in Spanish as well. Normally, not a problem but he mangled the Spanish language pretty bad. He just should’ve hired a professional translator instead. It’s not like he didn’t have the funds. Besides, people needs jobs, don’t they? No comprendo.

When I was doing a bit of research for this blog post, I discovered this little fact; Mayor Bloomberg wasn’t even born in NYC, nor was he raised here. Bloomberg was born in Boston, Massachusetts, and grew up in the surrounding suburban areas.

Without further ado…here’s the Douchebag Of The Year for 2011, going to Michael Rubens Buttberg, er, I meant Bloomberg. Congratulations, Mike. Not only did you earn it, you deserve it.

Douchebag of The Year Award.

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Happy New Year everyone! Today it’s January 1st, 2011. 1/1/11. One means new beginnings , and eleven being the number of magick. Not a bad way to start, huh?

Wish I would’ve done this sooner, but didn’t have a chance to do this blog post until now. Introducing the Douchebag of the year for 2010!

2010 was a banner year for douchebags, no question about it. In fact, it’s kinda hard to narrow it down. We started off with Tiger Woods and it just rose from there. Jesse James, Mel Gibson, Sarah Palin, Christine O’ Donnell, Charlie Sheen…and the list goes on. Not all douches were public figures, but just as douchey. English woman Mary Bale got her 15 minutes of douchebaggery by dumping a cat into a trash bin. “It was just a cat” was what she said. Therefore it’s only fair that we can shrug her off as just another douche. The Tea Bag party is still going strong with their douchebadges.

Kinda want to keep this short, so here goes…the Douchebag Of The Year award goes to…Jersey Shore!

The Douchebag Collective, otherwise known as The Jersey Shore cast.  Winners of the 2010 Douchebag of the year award.

This  Douchebag Collective, known as the cast of the reality show “Jersey Show.” Guidos aren’t exactly my thing. Can’t wait for the day when they all fade into much needed obscurity.

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I’ve had enough. Enough of Christmas, Yule, Solstice, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, whatever.

Where did all this bah humbug spirit come from? Eh, not going to get into it…but I will tell you what exactly is wrong with many who celebrate Christmas. No wait, how about the whole “holiday” season in general. Yeah. Equal opportunity animosity, that’s what I say.

Christmas never bothered me too much in recent years. In fact, there’s some good memories attached. Back in the end of 2007, I had arrived back in New York City. Needed money asap, so took any job I could get. To my own horror, I got hired at Macy’s. The flagship store over at 34th street. It wasn’t a glamorous position, mind you. I was selling Christmas decorations over at Holiday Lane. Anyone who personally knows me, I’m the last one to exhume any sort of blatant holiday cheer. Also humiliating, cause it was something already done back in 1992.

To my surprise, that temp gig wasn’t as bad as previously thought. Some of my co-workers were some of the kindest people I’ve ever met. As it turned out, a few of us shared spiritual beliefs that wasn’t exactly ‘Christian.’ One co-worker in particular, she would point out the paganism/pre-Christian symbolism in a few holiday ornaments. Gradually I realized working at Macy’s had been a much needed relief. After my summer of hell in the Midwest, it was nice to be treated with respect. I got hired again the year after that, doing temporary visual display at Macy’s. A step up from basic retail, but it wasn’t the same.

The next three years I found myself getting into the holiday spirit. Yet some cynical observations crept in.

One of my main beefs regards the Christmas tree concept. Never, ever understood the need to cut down real trees just to decorate it for a few weeks. Always thought that was such a waste. Apparently, there’s been some debate about real trees vs fake. Whatever. Honestly, I don’t care. I’m not anti-earth, but I’m not one of these anal-retentive environmentalists either. Besides, I like the obvious falseness of the plastic trees. I like the tacky non natural colors. Give me a blue or white tree any day. ‘Cause if you’re gonna go for tacky, you might as well go all the way. Hell, recently I saw an all black Xmas tree for sale. If that’s not brilliant, I don’t know what is.

More piques about this season is the overt materialism, the illusion of piety, and the bullshit notion being ‘nice’ this time of year. Nothing is more irritating than people thinking they should be good and generous only during Christmas. Meanwhile they’re complete ass wipes the other 364. This is the same attitude of those who attend church, temple, mosque, whatever, but still find it okay to be a jerk for the rest of the week. Cause another of my observations is that judgmental people are usually also the most hypocritical. Hypocrisy’s not my thing.

As a whole, I now find the concept of Christmas to be a complete sham.

All venting aside, I do appreciate whenever someone sends me sincere holiday cheer. It’s appreciated because it comes from the heart. That’s where the real magic comes from. Recently I was asked to come back for a real quickie interview for a local radio show. It was a year end review, and it was nice to be asked back (as opposed to being blacklisted). A friend from my psychology class took the time to get me a holiday present. That warmed my little black cynical heart. Oh, and recently I re-visited Macy’s Holiday Lane. Said hello to someone who still works in that section year after year. That person instantly recognized me, giving me the biggest hug. When this person found out I was about to purchase this black ornament with the words BAH HUMBUG in bold text, she took it out of my hand, and brought it for me. She wanted to offer it as as a gift.

Those three recent incidents represent the true meaning of the holiday spirit. It’s remembering those who’s been cool throughout the year, and remembering those who’ve been good to you, period. True holiday spirit is not about how well your house is lit, or how much you spend, or whatever you believe in. It’s the small sincere gestures that counts. It’s the memories that’s shaped you. It’s spending it with people that matter in your life. Even if you dread spending time with your dysfunctional family, afterwards you can spend time with folks that actually care. Take that with your spiked eggnog.

Merry fucking Christmas everybody.

Charlie Brown Tree With Bah Humbug Ornament. December 25th, 2010. Photo by Michele Witchipoo.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magi

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chronography_of_354

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In a moment of physical exhaustion and morbid curiosity, I tuned into the hit reality tv show “Jersey Shore.”

Yeah, yeah, should’ve known better. After viewing, I was so disgusted. Felt as if I had to take a shower. Instead of calling the program “Jersey Shore” a better title could have been “Jersey Skanks.”

I spent a good part of my teens actually avoiding ‘Guidos.’ You see back then, ‘Guidos’ had little tolerance for anyone who wasn’t like them, especially ‘freaks.’ I fell into the ‘freak’ category. Among some of my fond memories is having Guidos throw fireworks at me from across the street. It was because my hair was blue.

Granted that was back in the 1980s. In the year of 2010, perhaps my unexpected revenge is having the rest of America view these ignorant trolls for what they really are.

Still can’t believe these idiots have their own reality television show. Supposedly the cast is commanding $10,000 per episode, maybe even more. Really? Really. Illiteracy never looked this good. Who would’ve thought.

One of the main stars from this reality disaster is Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi. Polizzi was arrested this past weekend. Something about “disorderly conduct.”

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2010/07/30/2010-07-30_jersey_shore_star_snooki_arrested_in_seaside_heights_charged_with_disorderly_con.html

The rest of the Jersey Shore crew isn’t too hot either. The guys are douchebags with a capital D. Meanwhile, the other girls prove feminism is officially dead.

And of course who would be partying with them, but Shitty Mickey himself. Here’s what actually happened:

Next stop for Snooki: “Celebrity Rehab.”

www.shittymickey.com

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